Deepest Longings

Most of us are propelled by longing. There’s something we want to accomplish or experience. There’s the person we wish we could be, or the body we wish we had, or the thing we wish we could do, or the person we wish we still had with us. Our longings are our closest friends, whispering to us in the quiet moments to keep marching forward. Often, our deepest longings launch us into the future with such intensity that we never stop to wonder why we want the things we’re chasing.

Back in the fall, I was sharing with friends what I wanted out of my next chapter of life. My friend asked me, simply: “why do you want that so badly?” I was stunned by her question. I hadn’t examined why I wanted it, but I had a vision for my life and what I was chasing was in it. My friend’s question helped me see that I didn’t actually want what I was chasing. I wanted reassurance, love, and confidence. I was a little embarrassed when I realized that those things were all accessible to me already and not only available through what I was chasing.

There are plenty of good things to long for in life. In my peers, and in myself, I see deep longing for particular careers or degrees, or to get married or have children. These longings are deep and powerful. Since my conversation last fall with my friend, I’ve tried to stop myself when I feel a deep ache for something I don’t have. I ask myself why I want it so badly. If I can’t assure myself that I already have what I’m looking for, I turn to prayer.

When I pray out of longing I envision Jesus as he describes himself in Mathew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (NRSV).

Jesus invites us to bring to him whatever we hold that feels most heavy, and set it down. We put down our own burdens of fear and longing, and take up Christ’s yoke and walk alongside him. What I love most about these verses is that Jesus doesn’t command his disciples to listen to him or to understand his teaching. He says “come next to me, walk alongside of me, reorient your priorities to mine.” Jesus isn’t calling us to intellectual assent, but to an embodied walk of faith. Jesus solidifies his point with words of assurance at the end of the Gospel of Matthew: “And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Jesus is with us, walking alongside us, reminding us to set down our burdens, and inviting us to lean on him.

What is it that you long for most deeply? Why do you want it so badly? Might you already have what you’re seeking within you? Or can you lay down your burdens, trusting that Christ will see you through to a future you can’t see for yourself?

Text copyright © 2023 Grace Woodward. All rights reserved.