Decisions

I met with a student last month who was agonizing over big post-grad decisions: should she take one job over another, or move to one city or the other? After listening to her share about each option, I noticed that each choice was motivated by different priorities. She could prioritize her career in various ways or living near a strong faith community. These priorities aren’t always mutually exclusive, but I saw that this student was facing a crisis of priorities. The high-achieving Georgetown culture was pushing her to prioritize her career, but her heart seemed drawn to a creative and nourishing religious community.

I shared with her that decisions are often a question of priorities. She gets to choose her priorities in this next chapter of life. I tried not to attach a moral judgement to her priorities–any direction she took would be fulfilling in different ways. I hoped that she would take some time to reflect on what and who she wanted to prioritize, and then move in that direction.

She eventually chose to prioritize the religious community that she was most excited about. We met again and she was bursting with joy about this choice (and, of course, she had the signature terror of college seniors stepping out into the world).

Our conversation reminded me that I couldn’t make it through this chapter of my life if I didn’t live within 45 minutes of my entire immediate family (all 6 of them!). The great surprise of this realization is that I didn’t prioritize living close to my family when I made a series of life changes a year ago. I prioritized my career and applied to law schools and jobs all over the world. I just so happened to end up surrounded by my family. And I’ve been incredibly delighted that I can celebrate birthdays and holidays in person, catch my younger brother’s championship baseball game, and have Sunday dinner with with any mixture of parents and siblings, just because. I didn’t mean to prioritize my family, but I now can’t imagine making a future life decision without thinking about staying close to them. Their love, support, and silliness ground me and remind me of where I belong.

I don’t mean to suggest that prioritizing proximity to one’s family ought to be normative–it isn’t the best or feasible option for many. I hope that you can take a good look at your priorities–whatever those may be–and make your big life decisions out of them. We are bombarded by forces that try to tell us what our priorities should be: career, wealth, acclaim. Make sure to take time to discern whether you’re living out of your priorities or those of others, and create space to reassess as time passes and seasons change. We’re not passive observers of our own lives, but active builders of our futures.

Text copyright © 2023 Grace Woodward. All rights reserved.