What’s Behind Your Tears?

This past weekend my family said goodbye to our two 13 year old dogs–Milo and Bootsy. They were brothers who only spent a handful of hours apart throughout their lives. We decided with the vet that the kindest thing we could do for them was to let them go together. My family had many conversations over many months about when the right time would be for this farewell. We decided on a date and we spent lots of time together with our dogs in the final weeks and days.

The day of the goodbye was full of feelings: gratitude for their lives and sadness about the reality in front of us. I assumed my mother, brother and I were sharing similar emotional experiences. And yet, when they cried in times I didn’t, or seemed to feel moved in ways I wasn’t, I thought about a question I learned as a hospital chaplain: “What’s behind your tears?”

This question feels awkward to ask. It’s a gentle way to say “why are you crying” with the goal of inviting reflection and deeper understanding. It is a counter-cultural question because so many of us are uncomfortable with tears–our own, those of the people we love, and those of strangers. It’s so easy to assume we know why someone is crying that we often don’t bother to ask. But this simple question creates space and invites intimacy in moments where those two elements are all that’s needed.

I encourage you to try out “what’s behind your tears?” the next time you encounter someone crying. Reach for this question instead of a box of tissues. I hope you discover the wonderful power of leaning into tears!

Text copyright © 2023 Grace Woodward. All rights reserved.